When we’re constantly being told to take specific precautions to protect ourselves whilst at the same time not seeing men being held accountable for their actions, it is no surprise that the blame often lands inward. Society’s ingrained tendency to victim-blame leads to deeper personal feelings of shame in the survivor. This ludicrous mindset is one constructed by a patriarchal society that normalises rape culture because as we all know, “boys will be boys”. Victim-blaming is even more common when it comes to those on dating apps looking for causal sex - people are accused of “asking for it” or labelled “sluts”, as if it is even remotely anyone else’s is business in the first place. We see this play out in I May Destroy You with Kwame (Arabella’s bestfriend)’s experience of sexual assault during a Grindr hook-up. Victim-blaming is a knee jerk response all too often. Why didn’t Arabella watch her drink more carefully? Why did she drink so much or take so many drugs in the first place? We would ask ourselves why we were so careless, and we would be told that we should have known better. Women are burdened with the emotional and physical task of having to protect themselves from potential sexual predators at all times, leaving them with a sense of responsibility that is misplaced. The rape, whose fault was it? Who should take responsibility? The fact that these questions are even thought about, let alone ever said aloud is inconceivable to me.
I could go on) in order to not be raped or assaulted… as if it is our responsibility to do so.
Women feel as though they have to take countless precautions (running home at night, key between knuckles, not getting too drunk, keeping an eye on drinks, walking home with others. This quote stuck with me, as I’m sure it did with many, because of its relatability.
I MAY DESTROY YOU EPISODES HOW TO
“I'm here to learn how to not be raped”, says Arabella (the main character and rape victim) at a support group for survivors of sexual assualt. It also explores other themes such as fiercely loyal and unbreakable millennial friendships, sex, drugs (a lot of sex and drugs… parental discretion really is advised), online dating and the difficulty of balancing a demanding work and social life as a young adult.Įssays could be written about this show, we could really dissect each and every scene, for this piece I’ll just focus on one very interesting topic that was touched upon fault. The entire show explores rape culture in its many horrifying facets, from uncertainty over whether or not an action was sexual assault to questions of why sexual assaults often go unreported. For now, though… a summary: I May Destroy You follows an “unconventional” rape story, where the victim of the assault does not remember what happened and therefore goes on a search for answers following a flashback. For those who haven’t watched it… you need to, mainly because Adele told us to on Instagram and that really is reason enough.
Michaela Coel’s brilliance as an actor, writer and director is truly undeniable, I will have an issue with anyone who thinks otherwise.
12 episodes, roughly 30 minutes each – six hours of perfect television. So, I finished I May Destroy You on BBC iPlayer in one sitting (a mixture of quarantine boredom and an inability to turn it off).
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